This post may be rated R (and not because of the pirate ship. yarrr!) Or maybe a TV-14. I mean, it is Amsterdam. So, you know, just sayin.
Ever since Amanda and I bought our museum passes we have been looking for cool places to go (for free!)
We heard about Nemo which is supposed to be the science centre of Amsterdam. You know I was pumped. I love the science centre. Lots of cool experiments and instillations and hands on stuff. Plus it had really cool architecture, so we were pumped to go. Also, I got to make a “I found Nemo” joke when we got there. Definitely a plus.
Oh! And tall ships! I love tall ships.
When we got in we notice one thing. Blond children. 500 of em running around talkin dutch. Now, this made sense. Children love science. Or, at least, they love explosions and loud noises and flashes. The science centre is going to give them that. So I wasn’t surprised. But, man, so many of them.
We decided to push through the four foot high sea of blond and make our way to what we hoped was the more sophisticated and adult section of the museum.
Man, were we not expecting adult adult ifyaknowwhatimsayin.
The museum can be broken roughly into 2 categories:
1. fun kid stuff like electricity balls and giant Rube-Goldberg machines
2. sex facts
Now, I understand having the sex section at the science centre, so when we saw the big neon sex sign we figured we’d see some medical diagrams, some scary facts about STDs and maybe a couple of screaming new-born baby pictures, all very cold and factual.
Not so in Holland.
Embarrassed looking mannequins in sex positions, documentaries about people’s first times (that you watch in what is fashioned after an adult peek booth style thing), pictures of peoples different o-faces (don’t google it), “how to flirt” facts geared for teens, “knowing when you’re ready” slideshows, animated puberty adventures etc.
Oh, and our favourite. A french kiss simulator.
Hilarious. Stick your arm in one side, find a friend for the other side and start slapping around. Poor traumatized Amanda.
So we had to go cool off outside on the cold roof.
All in all tho, Nemo was pretty cool. I love science centres. But we sure are glad it was free, because we’d feel pretty dumb if we spent 15€ for a tour of a chucky-cheese-meets-dutch-cosmo.
Don’t hold your breath for the Nemo Texas tour.